Alternately, hang out on non-dating-themed forums that have an active community you like, and make friends and ask around

Alternately, hang out on non-dating-themed forums that have an active community you like, and make friends and ask around

Like I say, I never wear black but I would happily sit up with you til 6am smoking cloves, drinking red wine and listening to the Sisters of Mercy

But I’ve definitely met a few «edgy» (for want of a better word) people who share the kind of interests and humour you mentioned. It might be worth trying to search beyond people who simply LOOK stereotypically gothy or «subculture-ish».

Or maybe it has nothing to do with the music I listen to or the books I read and it’s just me.

Sorry, but I have I’m going to say it’s just you. Nothing that you’ve listed as your favorite bands or authors is that Earth shattering. sure, they’re a bit dark, but well enough into the mainstream (and old enough) to not be that far out of the ordinary. I think you might be taking yourself a might bit too seriously. Bauhaus? Sisters of Mercy? «And they all exploded?» That may have been «edgy» in the ’80’s, but now it’s just old. (I know this because I’m. well. old). Are you sure you’re not milf hookup site just scared? Maybe those blonde, sports loving chicks aren’t as hard to please as you think. Why not expand your horizons past the early 90s and give the girls of today a try? posted by The Light Fantastic at 3:15 AM on [4 favorites]

Best answer: Are you actually a goth or do you just want to date goths? You don’t want to seem like a tourist.

Anyway, rather then putting examples in your profile, you could just try being straight forward and saying «I have a dark sense of humor and I’m looking for girls with an an edge,» There are probably lots of girls out there who seem normal but actually don’t feel like they are and secretly want to let their freak flag fly. You just have to get to know each other. posted by delmoi at 4:29 AM on [1 favorite]

I’ve seen/met gothy people on OKCupid. Plus, gothy people have gothy friends and know where the gothy hangouts are. Network!

First, your pop-culture preferences are nowhere near as important an identifier as you think they are, and might be cutting some opportunities off at the pass. I don’t care about your fucking CD collection, tell me about you. I avoided them because taste in music seems like a pretty shallow signifier of personality, because it doesn’t matter in a relationship except when you’re both in a car and deciding on a radio station, and because I like both Black Flag and Billy Joel and yes it is possible to do that and I don’t want to be sneered at for it.

Second, if the nice blonde girls sound interesting, talk to them, seriously. I’m an easygoing, go-with-the-flow, not overtly subculturey kind of person (though not blonde), and that was exactly why I was open to making friends with goths, or pretty much anyone else. Some people let you know what they are right away, but some people are all Banana Republic on the surface with hidden streaks of dark humor, kink, or other interesting weirdness. posted by Metroid Baby at 4:36 AM on [3 favorites]

When I was looking, one of the biggest turnoffs in dating profiles for me was seeing long, long lists of bands or movies the guy liked

Goth culture hasn’t even been around long enough for people your age to have gotten into it when they were teenagers. Most people get into it when they’re teenagers. And they rarely keep it up into their 40s.